They don’t write songs about boat insurance, but maybe they should. Maybe we’ll give it a try sometime. The song would be nice. Pleasant. Safe. Something comforting to have in the background, something that you would barely realize was there until you needed it. Nah, it probably wouldn’t be much of a song.

Recently, our teenager was singing a little ditty about being on a boat. I didn’t catch all of the lyrics, but it said something about relaxing in swimming trunks and flip flops while some other poor sap (the one the song was addressed to) was back on shore making copies at Kinkos. The song was cute, until I looked up the lyrics to reference them in an article, at least. Fortunately, our boy had the good sense not to sing all of the actual lyrics in front of his parents. To make a long story short, “boat” wasn’t exactly the only four letter word in the song.

Now, knowing teenagers, I’m sure he’ll tell us that the foul language isn’t what he listens to the song for. And since we want to believe him, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to get a hold of his iPod. The idea is that we could replace “I’m On a Boat” with some other boat-themed songs more in keeping with the kind of language we’d like him listening to. So, when he wakes up and turns on his iPod, here’s what he’ll find:

• The Love Boat Theme Song. Sorry, as children of the ‘70s, we simply couldn’t resist.

• The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. We hope Gordon Lightfoot’s melancholy tune doesn’t turn him off or scare him away from boating, but you have to admit, this is one of the best songs ever written about a ship.

• Sailing. What a beautiful song! It really does take you away to where you’ve always dreamed you could be.

• The Downeaster Alexa. He actually claimed he likes Billy Joel once. Of course, that statement was when the CD was on in the car and was immediately followed for a request for money, so who knows.

• Sloop John B. Ok, so it’s not Snoop Dog, but who doesn’t like the Beach Boys?

• Rock the Boat. Hues Corporation. Word is that Aaliyah has a song out by the same name, but no sense confusing the boy. Don’t rock the boat, baby, it is.

• The Boat Insurance Song. No, we didn’t actually include this one. We haven’t written it yet. But if you’ve got a catchy hook, we’ve got the lyrics started…

We can’t wait to see his face in the morning. The only thing that could be better than waking up to all those great boating tunes would be waking up on a boat. We’re sure he’ll agree, don’t you think?

Photo via flashbacks.com