It was an instant classic. And in some regards, it was somewhat a work of genius. It managed to send up the bling based rap songs of recent years and did so in perfect fashion. The fact that they included T-Pain as part of the song, complete with his vocoder managed to give the parody some real credibility. In fact the song itself stands up as a pretty solid entry into modern hip-hop pantheon.

But, as is likely to happen with any work of worth and merit, it immediately became subject to an onslaught of unfunny and uninspired imitators. The irony that these clones were parodying a parody seemed to be lost on them all.

Take for instance these dimwits who attempt to entertain and enthrall you with their particular brand of humor. But see, they’ve changed the word ‘boat’ to ‘couch’ and gave it an entirely new spin. If you manage to make it through ear assaulting tone deafness of the singing, then please pay attention the the lyrics which are astoundingly awful. It’s amazing to see what happens when over caffeinated, middle class, suburban white teenage males do when they have free time on their hands. This might be the single worst piece of crap I’ve ever witnessed….

Nope… spoke way too soon. The kids from “On a Truck” have managed to make “On a Couch” look like “Citizen Kane.” And if I was a little harsh on the vocals of the couch video kids, well then I apologize because these kids are to singing what Hellen Keller is to driving… I’ll matched, a bad idea, and bound to hurt someone. I’m guessing by the fact that the truck never goes anywhere that none of these kids are old enough to drive. And thank goodness for that. It looks to me like the reasoning portion of their collective brains haven’t matured enough to be capable of making sound decisions. Otherwise this video would have never seen the light of day.

The other video’s simply failed to entertain me. This one managed to actually piss me off. Why? I’ll tell you why. Because at one point they didn’t even bother to change the lyrics at all. You simply can’t do that when you parody something. The whole point it to put your own unique spin on it. When you’re using the lyrics that the artist originally intended then you’re just being lazy. I also get douche chills when I watch the intro to this video and the previous one. Why do they feel the need to re-do the breakfast scene… and do it was mind numbingly bad acting? It was a blindside joke in the Lonely Island video and when you re-make it all you’re doing is making yourself look even more pedantic and thoughtless.

Is that Mary-Kate Olsen? Nope, it’s just some dumb twit trying to be funny on youtube. To quote one of the commenters “I always have to stop somewhere around “wandy-wand”. I just can’t stand the lyrics beyond that. ” Nor can I. And to make matters worse it appears that these two Hermione wannabe’s decided to piggy back a nod to Harry Potter onto their witless parody. Simply nausating.

In the end, what I want to do is to implore people everywhere to kill the “On a Boat” meme. It’s gone too far now. In addition to making yourselves look stupid, annoying thousands of innocent viewers and killing comedy across America… you’ve also managed to kill “On a Boat” itself. If you ever found that video funny, if you have any self-respect at all, and if you believe in God or anything Holy…. please stop the meme. If we must then let’s kill it… kill it with fire. Whatever, but please let the meme die.

I can remember driving around with my father when I was a kid. He always maintained a dictator like control over the radio, often choosing grainy and antique AM stations over the modern and trend FM counterparts. For the most part, I very much disliked his choice in music. One song, however, seemed to play relatively often and it was a song that I enjoyed. It was Gordon Lightfoot’s “The Wreck of the Edumund Fitzgerald.” As it played, my father would tell me the story behind the song. I always liked songs that had a story, and as I got older I realized that I especially enjoyed songs that had stories about boats.

Here is my little collection of the best songs about boats. I hope you enjoy.

THE WRECK OF THE EDMUND FITZGERALD

As mentioned above, this song is the retelling of the sad story of the Edmund Fitzgerald. For the uninitiated, the SS Edmund Fitzgerald was a Great Lakes Freighter which went down in a storm on November 10th, 1975. All 29 crewmen were lost. Gordon Lightfoot pays tribute in this soft and haunting song that melodically recreates the ships final moments. It is both poignant and haunting.

DOWNEASTER ALEXA

I count this song as one of my favorites of all time, boat or otherwise. It’s got such an amazing feel and complex message. Joel wrote it as a valentine to the fishermen of Long Island who have been watching their industry get downsized and dismantled. The song has somewhat of an irony to it as the loss of the industry in Long Island is in part to the upper class invasion by the upper class in the Hamptons section. Joel himself currently has two homes for sale for roughly $34 Million! More than enough for a Swordfish Captain to buy a few “Downeaster Alexa’s”.

ANCHORS AWAY

This one is a personal favorite, likely because I spent 4 years in the U.S. Navy. If you listen to the lyrics, it’s somewhat comical. I remember singing this ad nauseum as I marched in Boot Camp getting a hearty chuckle every time I yelled “To our last night ashore, drink to the foam…” There was something reassuring about the fact that the branch of service I had entered into not only recognized, but actually endorsed getting hammered the night before leaving for a long cruise. It’s as if they understood that in order to truly get over the fact that you were leaving land for nothing but miles of seawater on all sides, one needed to get plastered to reconcile it.

I’M ON A BOAT (NSFW)

Andy Sanberg is known for a lot of things on SNL, not the least of which are his hilarious Digital Shorts. As if it were possible he managed to one-up his previous success’ with “I’m On A Boat.” The song manages to accurately mock the success of bling-based-rap songs in such a fashion that if the song itself were not a parody it might actually be a successful addition to the genre. Adding T-Pain and his vocoder skills puts the song over the top. “Busting 5 Knots” is a particular favorite line. If you think about it in conversion terms he’s suggesting that he’s proud to be going more than 5.75 miles per hour. Never before has owning a yacht been so appealing to the youth of America. Future boat sales over the next few years owe a debt of gratitude to Mr. Sandberg and the guys in “Lonely Island.”

THE BANANA BOAT SONG

Personally, I most remember this song as being included in the film “Beetlejuice”, but in fact the song is about a boat. A banana boat to be exact. The song, while seemingly happy in feel, is actually an ode’ to the low wage Caribbean dock workers. I could explain it to you further, but watch the video above and see how Mr. Harry Belofante himself explains it to the Muppets.

WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE DRUNKEN SAILOR

Again, harkening back to times with my father (an old sailor himself), this to me is the seminal boating song. It seems as old as nautical shantee’s themselves. There seems to be a theme with drunken sailors in a great number of boating songs. Not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but definitely prevalent in nautical themed music.

A PIRATE LOOKS AT FORTY

No list of boating songs would be complete without a Jimmy Buffet inclusion. I decided to include “A Pirate Looks at Forty” because it is his flagship song (no pun intended). Buffet himself named his own autobiography “A Pirate Looks at Fifty.” This song encapsulates the true wanderlust and love that is a boaters life.