From the time Daniel Defoe penned his classic tale Robinson Crusoe, we’ve been enamored with the idea of being stuck on a deserted island, away from civilization and all that comes with it. Television shows like Gilligan’s Island, Lost and Survivor have only piqued our curiosity more, as have movies like The Blue Lagoon. We wonder if all of those imaginary ships had boat insurance before they stranded their passengers. More than that, though, we wonder what it would be like to be the one stranded.

There’s a reason why those kinds of stories keep recurring in popular media. They resonate with something deep within in, that desire to get away. But the fact that no one is ever truly stranded alone speaks to our desire to have at least some companionship (unless you’re Tom Hanks in Cast Away, in which case you spend half the movie talking to a dolled up basketball). So, if you had to be stranded with someone, who would you want it to be? Here’s our top 3 list of people we definitely would NOT want it to be:

1. Roseanne Barr. Can you imagine anything worse than the constant barrage of smart assed comments by someone who won’t get off her own ass and contribute to whatever attempts at survival you’re managing? Let’s just hope she doesn’t start singing the National Anthem. We might have to drown her ass.

1. Fran Drescher. Honestly, can you imagine living with that voice? We nearly disowned our kid when he started watching reruns of The Nanny. On top of that, we have the feeling she’d be completely useless in a survival situation. Let’s face it, the only reason she’s not number one is that, despite all of her annoying qualities, she does have nice coconuts.

Jim Parsons. OK, we’re sure he’s not as bad in real life as his character Sheldon is on The Big Bang Theory. Or maybe he is. We don’t want to find out. Let’s face it, there are only so many spots you can sit in on a desert island, and we don’t want him claiming one of them. On the other hand, if he’s anywhere near as smart as his character, he may be able to explain the best ways to manipulate the boat insurance actuarial table to receive the best possible rates.

Photo via therainstopped